Transparency

A wise friend, who also happens to know that waxing philosophical (ok...maybe just musing...) on human relationships is a favorite past time, forwarded me an article a while back that I really struck a cord with me: Facing the Truth by Andrew Peterson. Upon skimming the beginning of its contents, you'd think that she passed it along because of the medical topic - "Oh! An article about why this man feels uncomfortable going to the doctor! Automatic forward to my token med student friend!" (Nevermind, that I also, would not put going to a doctor's office on the top of my list of favorite things...). As you get further in though, Mr. Peterson explores an interesting question: why exactly is it so uncomfortable for us to be totally honest in our doctor's office? Why do I feel the urge to exaggerate the number of times I go to the gym or to bend the truth about how "well-balanced" my diet actually is or to minimize the health issues in my family? His conclusion, is that it forces us to realize that our idealized, preferred version of ourselves may be true sometimes, but doesn't quite always jive with reality. For example, I do love to go for runs and eat salad, but I also will take my daily piece of chocolate over my daily 6 mile run. Neither view of myself is entirely perfect. And then, he takes it one step further (I told you this article is great!), and asks how we do this in our walk with God. How do we grasp onto the new identity we have in Christ, and yet humbly stay aware of our own shortcomings and struggles? 

I don't know about you all, but one of the hardest things for me to do is to embrace this level of transparency and vulnerability in all aspects of my life (Brene Brown does a pretty good job of explaining how it can feel sometimes to me here- also a pretty awesome TED Talk about vulnerability). I like to be able to plan and make things look pretty, my character included. First of all, it's crazy to think of how vulnerable we are before the Lord:

For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. 

~1 Samuel 16:7

God sees my heart. Like ALL THE TIME. I don't want to see my heart all the time. I can be arrogant and selfish, jealous and angry. And that's not something I like to advertise. But whether we like it or not, it's a truth that the Lord sees us that way and still decides to pursue us. A bit mind boggling if you take some time to muse on it.

And then comes the scary part. Seeking that level of transparency with other people. Sure, that can be great with someone I love and trust, but to have that be the default that I seek with everyone is more of a challenge for me. I really like what some of Ephesians has to say about what this looks like in the church body: 

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joint and held together by every going with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. 

~Ephesians 4: 15-16.

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 

~Ephesians 4: 25

Such a level of transparency with each other is supposed to come with an immense degree of love and grace. Certainly, humans are not as good at this as God is, but as I wrestle with the idea about becoming more transparent, this is immensely comforting for me. I also like the reminder that acting this way is a natural part of growing in unity in the church body. The church is a messy, messy place, but to know that seeking this level of loving honesty with each other helps us to collectively transform to be more like Christ is such an encouragement. I don't feel even close to having a recipe for the best way to be honest or transparent, or having a magic formula to making it feel comfortable (let's be real, sin is messy, so we're messy, and it's not that comfortable showing that), but remembering the Lord's love for me, and the role transparency plays in shaping the church community into Christ's vision challenges me to push myself outside my comfort zone. 

My prayer for us today is that this would be our prayer:

Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts.

And see if there be any grievous way in me, 

And lead me in the way everlasting.

~Psalm 139: 23-24