How to Love Others Well

Wouldn't it be amazing if there were a one sentence answer to that question? A quick easy how-to on how to be an excellent friend, co-worker, child, significant other, parent, and spouse sounds absolutely wonderful, but unfortunately, it seems not to be quite so simple. As I was mulling over this question this weekend, John 15 came to mind. It's one of my absolutely favorite passages, and apparently an LR fav (it' already be written on here, and here, and oh also, here). I was trying to find a different verse to write on for this topic, but then figured that I love seeing how God speaks through repeatedly bringing up the same passages in different contexts, so I figured I'd go for it - I hope you all will indulge me. Get ready for an excellent chunk of bible: 

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

   I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

    As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other. 

~ John 15: 1 - 17

So I know it's a lot, but I just wanted to highlight a few key things, and let the passage speak for itself. So how do we love others well?

-We can't do it without remaining in the Lord. 

So I realize this is a pretty controversial statement. Christ really clearly here says that apart from Him, we can do nothing. It's a pretty bold statement, the specifics of which I'll save for another day. What exactly does the Lord ask us to remain in? His love. So I think it's safe to say, one of the first steps towards loving others well is loving the Lord first and foremost. I feel like this is something that seems easy to get on board with, but can be harder actually living out. Do we genuinely believe that if we do not work on our relationship with the Lord, we will have a harder time loving others? Or do we see it more as an option - that it's great if we decide to love the Lord, but our hearts are really first and foremost for the people around us? Again - this is a very nuanced issue and I am certainly not saying that it's bad to have a heart for others (we are talking about how to love others well after all), but I think the interesting paradox is that to love others well, we have to love God first and more. 

-Christ is to be our model.

This is also a rather crazy statement. When you think about it, it means loving others well means surrendering our lives to them if need be, and serving them completely. It changes love from being a reciprocal give and take to being more one-sided.  Instead of having our love for others be conditional on their response to us, it becomes more of a choice - just like how the Lord chose to love us, regardless of whether we chose to love Him in return. Crazy. Stuff. 

So ultimately, I think this gets to the heart of what Loving Radically actually is. It's radical to think that to love others well, I must first completely surrender my whole heart and being to the Lord of the universe. It's radical to think that to truly love someone as the Lord has loved me, I need to surrender certain expectations about what I'm due, and love unconditionally. My challenge for us today is two-fold: to honestly assess how well we love the Lord, and to honestly assess how selflessly we love others. It's not simple, and it's not easy, but I promise it's good.